80,000 of my best friends, AV, KR, BF and I got to hang out in the beautiful weather on Saturday. We attended the St. Patrick's Day Parade on Greenville Avenue in Dallas- a long-standing tradition of a parade whose qualifications include registering a float... and that's it.
It was quite the experience. We hung out on the sidewalks, drank beer (open container laws were waived for this event) and stood amidst the masses heckling the passing parade floats to chuck Mardi-Gras beads and Jell-O shots into the crowd.
When our group decided to get a move on and head to a guy's party down the road, I first discovered that I needed to go to the bathroom, badly, and secondly that I had no where to "go."
We walked for about 20 minutes and came up on the big intersection at Mockingbird and Greenville, I spied port-o-potties outside of the Kroger grocery store and the neighboring gas station. To my bladder, they looked like an oasis in a desert.
I held up my hands as if in surrender and broke it to the group that I would need a reprieve. Someone suggested relieving myself under the bridge, which was where I drew the line. How would I be able to face those people again? I just don't think you can look at a girl the same way after an episode like that. Not to mention, I was not going to risk getting some sort of ticket for Public Exposure. Imagine me trying to recover from/explain that.
So with resolve, I marched down the hill and planted myself in one of the port-o-potty lines. I was about 15 people back in my line. I waited, I scooted, and finally I was one person from the front. I was staring at the ground, counting the seconds (yes, it was that bad) when I felt a person very close to me. It was KR.
I heard a quiet "Can I hop in line with you? I can't hold it."
I told her she could before we were interrupted by the dude behind us, clearing his throat in an impatient, "ahem" sort of way.
KR spun around and said "I'm sorry, I've been waiting for her right over there (points). I'll go in with her, we'll be fast!"
"I'll go in with her?!"
You know how your friends do things sometimes that make you give them a momentary bewildered "What the H?!" look before remembering that this (whatever "this" is.) though alarming, is not actually surprising at all.
Like back in the day when MK decided it would be a good idea to bathe our class hedgehog in 8th grade science. Or when she did the same thing to the class kitten later in the semester.
Or that time you wore a dress to an 80's party in college and admitted to everyone that you wore it to a formal in high school in 1999.
Come to think of it, it's an accomplishment that something I wore at 15 still fit at 19.
So KR volunteered for us to go into the port-o-potty together. I don't know if you've ever been in a port-o-potty, but there isn't much room. At all.
It came to be our turn and, as promised, KR and I sardined ourselves into the tiny, free-standing stall. I'll spare you the details, but needless to say, we were very snug and extremely quick. We also received some applause upon our exit and to be honest, we deserved it.
I felt like a new person and was able to enjoy the rest of the day, even though we were completely exhausted after walking what turned out to be about four miles in non-walking-friendly shoes.
Somehow I think Wednesday (the real St. Patty's Day,) won't be quite as exciting.
It's not easy being green.
-Kermit the Frog