Bachelor Party

I've missed you, Chris Harrison, I really have.

I love the beginning of a new season of The Bachelor. So much hope, so much promise, so many uninspired Jessica McClintock dresses bought with hopeful intentions.

It reminds me of that scene in Fever Pitch, when Jimmy Fallon's character runs outside to get his season tickets, hugs the delivery man, runs inside to open them and rips them open to behold, smelling the tickets and saying: "this is it, this is the year."

With the exception of one couple, all other Bachelor relationships have fallen by the wayside. Trista, who chose Ryan on the rebound from Alex, lived happily ever after. Let's hope that Jason, who has a precious little deal-breaker son, can do the same.

My friends and I had a routine our senior year of college; we attended our weekly Monday night sorority chapter meanings, would quickly disperse to change afterward, then everyone would come over to my house where my roommates and I would be waiting with spinach dip and M&Ms to start the TiVo. There were strict orders about in place talking during the show; ridicule had to be saved for commercials.

I still haven't seen the first episode of this season yet; I'm saving it for a Monday night marathon tomorrow. Hopefully the women who are on the show this season know about Ty, the baby on board. Actually I think he's about three, which would make him a toddler? Whatever. Surely they know. Apparently he is engaged and in love, but this means nothing given the high percentage of crash-and-burn aftermath that is The Bachelor.

I was watching post-game coverage of a football game last weekend and who was wearing a pinstripe suit alongside the other announcers? Jesse Palmer. Jesse is the exact reason you would never want to actually be on this show. He is all big on the clueless ex-football player act and distracted women easily with his dimples. And Brad Womack. Oh Brad. He essentially freaked out and after months of hot-tub makeouts and deserted island horseback rides on the beach- and said that he wasn't actually ready for a commitment. Hmm, a familiar story indeed.

I haven't been this excited for a Monday night since the advent of Gossip Girl, even if I do have to watch it alone.

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think: "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
-Jerry Seinfeld