One of my best friends from college, KB, is supposedly having a baby tonight, though I wouldn't know because apparently you don't text when you're having contractions and under the influence of an epidural.
Also: please don't Google Image "epidural"- just take my word for it.
She is experiencing her first night as an almost-mother, I found myself needing to make my first trip to American Apparel.
My how things have changed.
So yes: American Apparel. I needed to make a trip to the store because there is an 80's-themed roller-skating birthday party for my friends CC and MK on Friday night (yes- we are 25-year-olds) and American Apparel is nothing if not known for their outlandish leggings/leotards/cropped t-shirts.
I thought I could find something that would work. I thought wrong.
I found myself in the back of the store with a dude wearing a tank top with a sleeveless button-down sweater vest and loose khakis that look like they had been rolled almost to his knees. What for? I don't know. Maybe he had to cross a river on his way to work (on foot) today. Maybe he really likes the Huck Finn look.
Anyway- Huck Finn was telling me about a girl getting ready for an 80's party who had come in and purchased the black lace leggings with a tutu, some random top, a leather jacket and accessories to look like Madonna. From what I could tell, that was an expensive costume.
The shiny leggings that he was showing me were $42 alone. $42 for terrible spandex pants in colors that cannot be named.
I should also mention that I have no plans to actually roller-skate at this party. My last roller-skating experience came and went at another birthday party for a friend (I think we were 6 or 7) and some maniac racing across the rink flew across traffic on the floor, taking me out with him, and resulting in a broken arm for me. The following day was also the first time I ever fainted in my life, so all-in-all it was a great weekend.
The whole point of this story is really the fact that my 80's outfit will not actually see any action on Friday night- I will be content to hang out with my friend AS, who is pregnant, or MG's boyfriend, who wears a size 17 shoe and suspects that the local roller rink does not carry that size.
I eventually gave up on AA after giving it a five-minute window of opportunity, so I headed to my happy place: Nordstrom, where I was pleasantly surprised to find that their Anniversary Sale is still going on.
And maybe I bought this:
While I'm proud to be a child of the 80's, I thankfully don't have to dress like one.
Farmer Ted: You wanna know what happened? Buy the book.
-Sixteen Candles, 1984